identify your soulmate

everyone has a vague idea of their ideal partner floating in the back of their mind. some impossible mashup of traits they've collected from movies, past relationships, and late-night fantasies. but almost nobody has actually written it down and examined it.

the exercise that changes everything

grab a piece of paper. list every trait your ideal partner would have. not just the obvious ones like "attractive" and "smart." the specific ones. do they challenge you intellectually? do they have their own ambitions? how do they handle conflict? what's their relationship with their family? how do they treat strangers? what do they do when things get hard?

be as detailed and honest as possible. this list is for you, not for public consumption.

the uncomfortable audit

now look at your list and ask three brutal questions:

1. are these expectations realistic? if your list describes a person who is physically flawless, emotionally bulletproof, financially successful, endlessly supportive, independently ambitious, and perpetually interesting — that person doesn't exist. you've built a fantasy, not a criteria set. some expectations are standards (non-negotiable). others are preferences (nice to have). know the difference.

2. do you meet your own criteria? if you want someone who's physically fit, are you? if you want someone who's emotionally intelligent, are you? it's hypocritical to demand qualities you don't develop in yourself.

3. if you're in a relationship, does your partner match? this is the hardest one. not whether they match perfectly — nobody will. but whether the gaps are in standards or preferences. a partner who doesn't share your values is a different problem than a partner who doesn't share your taste in music.

what to do with this information

if you're single, this list becomes your compass. not a checklist to screen every date against, but a north star that helps you recognize compatibility when you find it. if you're in a relationship, this list becomes a conversation — ideally one you have with your partner.

the soulmate myth says you'll "just know." that's lazy thinking. knowing what you need requires honesty, self-awareness, and the willingness to be wrong.

if this resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it.