maintain eye contact

why does looking someone in the eye feel so hard?

think about the last time you held sustained eye contact with someone. not a glance — real, unbroken eye contact for 10, 20, 30 seconds. chances are, one of you looked away first. probably you.

why? what is it about another human looking directly at you that triggers the urge to break away?

the answer is vulnerability. sustained eye contact creates a level of intimacy and exposure that most people find deeply uncomfortable. you feel seen. not your social mask, not your curated persona — the actual you. and that's terrifying for most people.

the challenge

in your next conversation, maintain eye contact. don't stare aggressively — that's not the point. just hold steady, relaxed, confident eye contact. when the urge to look away hits (and it will), stay.

notice what happens:

• your instincts scream — your body will try to break the contact. sweating, fidgeting, a sudden need to check your phone. these are all avoidance mechanisms
• your insecurities surface — "do I look weird?" "are they uncomfortable?" "what are they thinking about me?" — all of this is your stuff, not theirs
• a connection forms — if you push past the initial discomfort, something shifts. the conversation deepens. trust builds. both people become more present

what this is really about

this exercise involves another person, but it's entirely about you. the discomfort you feel when maintaining eye contact is a direct measure of your own insecurity. the more uncomfortable it is, the more you need the practice.

people who can hold steady eye contact project:

• confidence — they're not afraid to be seen
• trustworthiness — they're not hiding anything
• presence — they're fully in the conversation, not elsewhere

start small

you don't have to go from eye-contact-avoidant to unblinking sociopath overnight. start with cashiers, baristas, brief interactions. hold contact for a beat longer than feels comfortable. build from there.

the goal isn't to make others uncomfortable. the goal is to become comfortable with being truly seen.

if this resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it.