how to not give a fuckrelationship kryptonite
not everyone deserves a seat at your table
you probably have standards for the food you eat, the content you consume, and the products you buy. but do you have clearly defined standards for the people you allow into your closest circle?
most people don't. they drift into friendships, relationships, and partnerships without ever establishing what's actually unacceptable. then they wonder why they keep ending up surrounded by people who drain them.
define your kryptonite
sit down and write out the specific qualities that are absolute deal-breakers for you. not preferences — deal-breakers. the intellectual, verbal, physical, or behavioral traits that you will not tolerate under any circumstances.
this looks different for everyone. maybe your kryptonite is:
- chronic dishonesty
- inability to take responsibility
- constant negativity and victim mentality
- disrespecting boundaries after they've been clearly stated
- manipulative behavior disguised as love or friendship
be specific. "toxic people" is too vague. what exactly does toxicity look like to you? name it precisely so you can recognize it immediately.
audit your current circle
now here's the uncomfortable part. look at the people currently closest to you. do any of them exhibit your kryptonite traits? if so, you have a decision to make.
this isn't about being judgmental or cutting people off at the first sign of imperfection. everyone has flaws. the question is whether someone's specific flaws are on your non-negotiable list — the traits that consistently damage your wellbeing, compromise your values, or pull you backward.
the enforcement problem
most people can identify their deal-breakers intellectually. the hard part is enforcement. it's easy to make exceptions when someone is charming, or when you share history, or when loneliness makes you lower your standards.
this is where your list becomes critical. write it down. put it somewhere you'll see it. when you're tempted to make an exception for someone who clearly exhibits your kryptonite, read the list and remember why it exists.
protect the inner circle
your closest relationships shape your thoughts, habits, emotions, and trajectory more than almost anything else. guard that circle like your life depends on it — because in many ways, it does.
define your kryptonite. check your circle. make the hard calls.
if this resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it.