understand motives

everyone has an agenda

this isn't cynical — it's realistic. every person in every interaction is motivated by something. sometimes it's conscious, sometimes it's not. sometimes it's noble, sometimes it's selfish. but it's always there.

your job is to see it.

the common drivers

most human behavior can be traced back to a handful of core motives:

• power — the desire to control outcomes, people, or situations
• money — financial security or wealth accumulation
• status/fame — the need to be recognized, admired, or envied
• achievement — the drive to accomplish, build, or prove competence
• connection — the desire for love, belonging, or intimacy
• pleasure — the pursuit of comfort, enjoyment, or sensory experience
• security — the need to feel safe and protected from threats

most people are driven by 2-3 of these at any given time. and often, they're not even aware of which ones are running the show.

how to read motives

in every conversation, ask yourself: what does this person want? not what they're saying — what they actually want. there's usually a gap.

• the coworker who "just wants to help" might want recognition
• the friend who always picks the restaurant might want control
• the partner who keeps bringing up money might want security
• the boss who micromanages might be driven by fear, not perfectionism

you're not judging these motives. you're understanding them. there's a massive difference.

why this matters

when you understand what drives someone, you unlock the ability to:

1. communicate more effectively — speak to their actual needs, not just the surface conversation
2. build stronger relationships — people feel deeply understood when you see what they really want
3. negotiate better — knowing what the other side values gives you leverage
4. protect yourself — recognizing manipulative motives before they affect you

the mirror

here's the uncomfortable part: apply this same analysis to yourself. what are YOUR motives in your key relationships? what are you really after? honesty here changes everything.

if this resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it.